Some Funnies from Elder Wanlass....

The 13 Articles of Faith of the Missionaries

1)     We believe in as many suits, white shirts, assortment of ties as possible and that Sisters

   should have as many outfits as necessary.

2)     We believe that a Missionary will be punished for their own sins as well as their

   companion’s transgressions.

3)     We believe that through little effort of their own all ELDERS will start to go bald and

   that all SISTERS will have bad hair days according to the laws and statutes of nature.

4)     We believe that the first counsels and advice of the mission are

               First: Faith in the nutrition of peanut butter

          Second:  Macaroni and Cheese

             Third:  Milk of Magnesia for the remission of errors

          Fourth:  the leaning on of members for the gift of free meals.

5)    We believe a Missionary must tract in rain, wind, and in other circumstances due to  

        the threats of those in authority to restrict our privileges and administer the punishments  

  thereof.

6)    We believe in the same organization that existed under the previous mission leadership;     

   namely the Mission President, Assistants to President, Office Elders, Zone Leaders,  

   District Leaders, Senior Companions and so forth.

7)     We believe in the gift of cakes, candies, cookies, donuts, letters from home,  

    Birthday and Christmas cards, money, etc.

8)     We believe the Mission President to be the head of the mission until he is translated  

    accordingly.  We also believe his Assistants to be his mouth pieces until then.

9)     We eat all food members have prepared, all they do now prepare, and we believe they will  

          yet prepare many great and inspiring meals according to the persuasions of the

          ELDERs/SISTERs. 

10)  We believe in the literal departure of ELDERs/SISTERs and in their tendencies to discuss

    things they are going to do once home; that Zion will be built upon this fact; and that we

    will not be trunky until dismissed and given honorable releases.

11)  We claim the privilege of writing letters home according to the dictates of our own   

    schedule, and allow all ELDERs/SISTERs the same privilege; let them write how, when,

    where, or to whom they may.

12)  We believe in not being subject to stop signs, yield signs, speed limits, nor common sense

          in smashing, crashing, and abusing mission cars or bicycles, or whatever the case may be.

13)  We believe in being good looking, full of food (and ourselves), CHASED, magnificent,

   flirtatious, and in saying “HI” to all members of either sex.  Indeed we may say that we  

   follow no admonition at all.  We question all things, we bother all things, we put

   off many things, and we hope to be able to put off all things.  If there is ANYONE

   virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy we seek after them immediately.